Stop Asking. Start Doing.

Friends, family, and readers often ask me what made me decide to do what I do now. And to be honest, I wish I could give people a straightforward answer.

But I don’t have an explanation for how I found my calling, passion, meaning, or whatever you want to call it.

The closest I got was: Just try a lot of things, step outside of your comfort zone, and see what happens.

It’s an honest answer. I’m never afraid to say “I don’t know,” when people ask me a question. I think people often feel the urge to give an answer when someone asks them a question.

That’s one of the reasons there’s so much bullshit in the world. People feel like they will look stupid, so they make up the weirdest stuff. We have this innate need to talk, even when we should shut up.

William Faulkner said it best:

“Talk, talk, talk: the utter and heartbreaking stupidity of words.”

What’s wrong with “I don’t know?”

We don’t want to look bad. Also, we like to please others. For the person who’s asking you a question, an “I don’t know,” answer is not sufficient.

I have been there many times. When I worked for a corporation, the favorite word of managers was, “why?”

Why did you do this? Why do you do that? Those questions often come up when people make a mistake or something goes wrong.

Uhm, I don’t know?

Sometimes things just happen. Why is that not good enough? We’re only human — we don’t have answers to everything. Why is that not good enough?

Take scientists. We look at them as magical beings who should explain everything. But if you take a closer look, you see that there are many questions unanswered.

It’s not that we don’t care — it’s often the opposite. For example, I’d love to know everything about the universe.

For example: Is the universe finite or infinite? If it’s finite, how can you look beyond something you can’t see? It’s not like we can just hop on a spaceship and go to the edge of the universe.

Or take psychology. You could ask: What’s the formula to happiness?

Good luck with finding a one-size-fits-all solution.

You see, how can you answer those questions? And in daily life it’s exactly the same—there are also many things that remain unanswered.

• Why did you get angry?
• Why did you pick a certain industry?
• Why did you decide to move?
• Why did you forget to send the email?

I Don’t know?

I think a few lines from Ernest Hemingway’s book A Farewell To Arms express this concept very well.

The following is a conversation between the protagonist Frederic Henry, an American working as an ambulance driver for the Italian army during WWI.

He meets an English nurse called Catherine Barkley, and their very first encounter goes like this:

‘How do you do?’ Miss Barkley said, ‘You’re not an Italian, are you?’
‘Oh, no.’
‘What an odd thing — to be in the Italian army.’
‘Not really in the army. It’s only the ambulance.’
‘It’s very odd though. Why did you do it?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘There isn’t always an explanation for everything.’
‘Oh, isn’t there? I was brought up to think there was.’
‘That’s awfully nice.’

That’s why I love Hemingway (read his books if you haven’t). Most of us have it engraved in our heads that there always should be an explanation for everything. In our life, work, relationships, career, etc.

If you keep looking for an explanation for everything, you will only find frustration.

I’m not talking about curiosity because that’s a good thing. No, I’m talking about the obsession with things that don’t matter if you know the answer or not.

“So, what should we do?”

How about accepting that we don’t have the answers to everything?

And that’s harder than it sounds. You know why? We’re all control freaks, and we all hate insecurity. Even people who say they’re risk-takers.

Instead of always questioning everything, even stuff that doesn’t matter, just put your head down and do something.

Instead of trying to rationalize everything, just follow your gut, heart, feeling, etc.

Because, whether you question it or not, without action, there’s no outcome at all: So you might as well act instead of ask.

Building Mindset :- Its Important

What’s your definition of a good life? Ask 100 different people, and you’ll probably get 100 different answers.

However, there are also a few universal pieces to a good life. Take happiness and health. We all want it. That’s why we collectively spend billions of dollars a year on gym memberships, supplements, training programs, gear, you name it.

I’m not surprised. Health is everything. Mahatma Gandhi famously said:

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.”

To me, health is not only a physical thing. Your mental health is more important than your body because it’s easy to get injured or sick. It can happen to all of us. But as long as your brain functions, you’re still in control of your life.

Another thing that determines a good life is our job. We spend a lot of time working and trying to make a living — we better do something we love.

So if you want to get stronger, fitter, and make a living doing what you love — start with your mind first. The rest will follow by itself.

In this article, I’m going to share three ideas with you that I’ve used to achieve those things.

1. Improve Your Mindset

Start Creating. Stop Consuming.

There are two types of people: Creators and consumers. Creators are also consumers. But consumers are not creators.

It’s very simple: Decide what you are. And then live up to that decision.

People write 300-page books on happiness and improving your mindset. But reading and consuming MORE information is not going to help you. Creating will.

Take Mike Thurston, a successful online fitness coach. I discovered his videos on YouTube recently. And I emailed him certain things.

Mike told me that he decided to stop asking for business. Instead, he decided to create demand by giving away tons of value.

That’s how I found him. His videos are in depth, enjoyable and useful to people who want to learn more about fitness. And because he started creating, people started following.

The rest followed automatically for him. Now, he has a coaching business, and he’s booked for months in advance.

2. Build Strength

Start Training. Stop Exercising.

The problem with most of us is not with going to the gym or exercising. It’s HOW we exercise.

So you might hit the gym four times per week. But if you do it half-heartedly and without focus, you will never see the results you CAN achieve.

So stop exercising. And start training. The former is just something you do; the latter is something you plan.

What are your goals? What are you trying to achieve with your body? Want to get stronger? Lose weight?

How strong? How much weight do you want to lose? Why?

When you have a goal, you train. When you don’t have a goal, you just work out for the sake of working out.

It sounds obvious. But I’ve been exercising most of my life. It’s for only the past six months that I’ve started training. And I’m getting stronger by the day.

3. Make A Living Doing What You Love

Just Start, Already.

Mike Thurston told me he started his YouTube channel (that has over 220k subscribers) with only a camera and a laptop. That sounds simple when you say it like that. But most of us over-complicate everything.

You don’t need perfection, big audiences, money, likes, or anything else you think: You need a start.

If you have a day job, start in the evening. If you have kids, start before they are awake. It’s not complicated.

Look, we can go on and on about how important it is to start. You probably think, “I know I need to start. But how?”

It’s easy to come up with excuses. We say stuff like: I don’t have time, money, energy, etc. But that’s easy to say.

• Here’s the thing: Starting is hard.
• Here’s another thing: So what?

If you want to make a living by doing what you love, start working on it. Not tomorrow. Not in a year. Today.

It’s obvious. It’s simple. And yet, it works.

Make Changes In Your Daily Routine :- It will help

After a busy day, it’s quite challenging to wind down and get ready for a good night’s sleep. Too often I find myself working until late. And sometimes I might find myself reading or watching a TV show.

And when you’re ready to go to sleep, you can’t. Your mind is buzzing with thoughts you don’t want at that time of day.

It’s no secret that a lot of people have difficulties with sleeping. According to the National Sleep Foundation, 45% of population say that poor or insufficient sleep affected their daily activities at least once in the past seven days.

Why’s the evening so important? Well, you might have a perfect morning ritual, a fully planned calendar, and the intention to crush your day, but if you lack the energy, you’re not doing anything productive. 

During the past six months, I’ve experimented a lot with evening and morning rituals. What I’ve found is that a morning ritual is easy to implement in your life.

But they’re also easy to quit. When we wake up tired, we often fall back on our, not helpful, habits.

End result? You lose and life wins. You end up not focused, our of control, agitated, and just not happy overall.

That’s why I’ve created an evening ritual that helps me to get ready for some well-deserved rest. We all know it: Get 7–9 hours of sleep. But too often life gets in the way and we don’t follow common sense.

But with the following evening ritual, I’ve found a good way to bring more consistency in my evenings, and therefore, my life.

From minute 0 to minute 10: Close The Day

Every evening I take 10 minutes to journal about my day. In a few sentences, I write about what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve learned, and anything that’s worth remembering.

That simple exercise helps me to:

1. Remember what I did (sounds stupid, but we forget most things we do).
2. Review my progress and see whether I’m doing all the things that I should be doing (like reading, working out, spending time with my family, writing, talking to people I work with).

I’ve learned this exercise from Jim Rohn. He says:

“At the end of each day, you should play back the tapes of your performance. The results should either applaud you or prod you.”

It’s simple: Close the day before you start a new day. Also, close every week before you start a new week. Similar for every month, and every year.

Sounds simple, right? It’s one of those “simple” ideas that have a huge impact on your life.

From minute 10 to minute 20: Review Tomorrow’s Calendar

This is essential. When you wake up, you want to know exactly what your day is about. Do you have any important meetings or calls? Deadlines, maybe? What do you have to get done?

When are you working out? Do you have any pressing items on your agenda? When are you dealing with them?

This simple exercise takes away almost all stress and anxiety I have.

Most anxiety comes from unsolved problems. And often, we worry about problems that are not real. But when you say to yourself: I’m going to work on problem X from 10 AM until 11 AM, you can relax.

Also, there’s nothing you can do late in the evening. Just go to bed, already. Leave the problem solving for tomorrow when your brain is fresh.

From minute 20 to minute 25: Prepare your outfit

“Oh, you’re so vain.” No, I don’t want to unnecessarily stress my brain. Look, your brain is a muscle. And after a certain amount of decisions, your brain runs out of juice. And that means the quality of your decisions will decrease.

That’s called Decision Fatigue. But I’m not worried about that in the evening because I’m headed to bed so my brain can recharge. A few extra decisions won’t hurt. However, those few extra decisions will hurt your productivity if you think about your outfit in the morning.

So why not prepare your outfit so you don’t have to use your precious brainpower in the morning?

“Why don’t you wear the same thing every day?”

I’m no Steve Jobs.

From minute 25 till minute 30: Visualize

Because I’ve gone through my calendar earlier, I know what my day will look like. Next up: Visualize the next day in detail.

Charles Duhigg talks about this exercise in his new book Smarter Faster Better. Duhigg writes about how the most productive people visualize their days with more specificity than the rest of us.

I prefer to do this exercise in the evening because when I wake up in the morning, I still remember what I’ve visualized.

The result is: NO MORE snoozing.

You won’t believe how much I would hit the snooze button in the past. In fact, I would snooze so often that the alarm on my phone would just give up. The hardcore snoozers know what I’m talking about. Hit snooze so often and you win.

The opposite is true. Snoozing is for losers.

But I’m not losing anymore because of this 30-minute evening ritual. As a result, I go to sleep without stress, and I wake up with focus: I exactly know what I have to do to turn the day into a success.

And that’s what I want to achieve with this ritual. 30 minutes of your evening sounds like a pretty good ROI if you want to improve your life.

So give it a try tonight and find out for yourself. But don’t be surprised if you wake up tomorrow morning ready to kick life in the ass.

Smile :-It feels good

Sometimes there’s no reason to smile, but I’ll smile anyway because of life. Yes, I’m one of those people who always smiles.

• I smile when I enter a room.
• I smile when I see other people.
• I smile when I’m by myself.
• I smile when I see the sun.
• I smile when things are difficult.

Am I crazy? A pessimist would say yes.

But smiling is an attitude. Most people think it’s an effect of something.

“I don’t have a reason to smile.”

Well, there you have it. You’re thinking all wrong.

It’s not like you have to do something, or buy something to smile.

When I smile, I think, “I’m happy to be alive.” I do not even think life is good. When I was in college, I was in debt, made no money, and live in a dirty ass apartment. But I didn’t care because it was still good to be alive, despite that it wasn’t easy.

When I walk around in the city, I see sad faces.

It doesn’t matter where I am. Amsterdam, London, New York, Milan, Barcelona.

When people look at me, I smile; sometimes I say hi. And they think: “This guy is going to kill me.”

Some days I’m a little tired. Maybe I didn’t sleep well. Maybe I worked out too hard in the gym. Maybe I just worked too hard at the office.

But I’ll still smile from the inside.

• I smile when I wake up
• I smile when life is bad.
• I smile when I listen to music.
• I smile when I see a stranger.
• I smile when I hear a good story.
• I smile when I see rain.
• I smile when I put on my running shoes.
• I smile when I ride my bike.

Never gloomy. Never sad. Even when I’m down.

I wasn’t always like that.

Smiling is a skill. Being happy is also a skill.

You practice it every day. How? Just walk around and smile. You say to yourself, “I choose to smile.”

• Does your boss scream at you? Smile.
• Do you lose money? Smile.
• Is you girlfriend sad/angry? Smile.
• Is your son annoying you? Smile.
• Does your co-worker patronize you? Smile.

That’s small stuff. There’s real pain outside of all the trivial things that happen in your life. When I’m angry, upset, gloomy, I give myself 4 minutes to feel sorry for myself.

“Oh poor you.”

Now, smile again.

You can’t feel two emotions at the same time. It’s just impossible. Your brain isn’t capable of that.

When someone I love is upset, I do something weird so they smile. You can’t be upset and be happy at the same time.

It’s a strategy.

Humor, laughter, enjoyment, and smiling are the secret to living a good life.

Best thing about it?

IT’S FUCKING FREE.

Did you smile?

Free Advice....

I often talk about how I like to learn from other people. The primary way I do that is by just studying them.

In most cases, you don’t even need to contact people to learn from them. That’s why people write books and blog posts. That’s also why entrepreneurs speak at events or create courses.

It’s far more effective to use a medium that allows you to reach a lot of people to spread ideas. Otherwise, people would spend their whole lives to do 1-on-1 conversations and emails.

When someone writes a book, they can reach everyone who is interested.

And yet, a lot of people believe they should randomly email people and ask for advice. Why? You can get most of the advice you need by reading the person’s book or blog.

And that’s how I study people. It goes like this:

1. Read their books.
2. Read their blogposts.
3. Google if they’ve done interviews or podcasts. Listen or watch it.
4. If you want to do the same as them, study how they do it, and copy it.

If you want to know more about learning from others, please read Austin Kleon’s awesome book Steal Like An Artist.

And only if you’ve studied them, and have a question, try to get in touch. Don’t get in touch after reading one article because you want free advice. That’s lazy.

Ryan puts it well:

“There are fundamentally two types of people in this world: 1) People who think they are entitled to other people’s time and 2) decent, civilized human beings. The latter are those who respect time (because they understand that time is finite). The former ask indiscriminately to chat or meet.”

People are not sitting and waiting for you to email them a list of questions. Don’t expect that people will drop everything and answer your email or have coffee with you. They have lives of themselves.

If you’re trying to get in touch with people you admire, just try to keep that in mind.

Here are some things that helped me to have email conversations with busy people:

1. Be brief. Very brief. Like two or three sentences brief.
2. Don’t ask for something big (anything that takes time) in your first email. Simple questions are ok.
3. When you’ve built a relationship, and you’ve also demonstrated value to the other person, and you want to ask for something, be clear on the CTA. What do you want? “Let me know what you think” is not clear.
4. Be humanly. Email is a conversation. Not a formal job interview.
5. Don’t send “follow-up” emails after two days. If you didn’t get a response, try a different angle after a while.

When you are respectful of other people’s time, you will find that people will take time for you. At least, that’s my observation after emailing people I didn’t know.

An email also shows the actual character of a person. When people email you and only ask, ask, ask for things without caring about you, they are selfish.

That’s why I recommend everyone to read How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
― Dale Carnegie

One thing is sure: Selfish people don’t get far in life. Take an interest in people, learn from them, study them, get in touch.

Whatever you do, it’s great as long as you also think about them. Otherwise, it’s a waste of your, and the other person’s time.

Comfort Zone ......

I love my comfort zone. To me, that’s where the real magic happens.

In my comfort zone, I have my family, friends, work, music, books, movies, bike, gym, park, you name it. Everything I love.

And from that place of safety, I’m more open to trying new things and take risks.

I’ve never believed the idea of that stupid little drawing. You know what I’m talking about, right?

• “Your comfort zone.” A little circle.
• “Where the magic happens.” A big circle that stands for the promise of success.

As if “magic” only happens when you step outside your comfort zone; that’s ridiculous. And while we’re at it; why pretend as if your comfort zone is bad? It’s this little pathetic circle displayed against the bigger “magical” circle.

Sure, I’m all about pushing yourself, trying new things, moving forward, growing, etc. But in contrast to many popular self-help people, I don’t believe the comfort zone is a bad thing.

Call me a pessimist. Call me a stoic. But more than anything, I’m merely a practical person.

And practically speaking, you don’t even want to make a huge leap outside your comfort zone. In fact, I believe in the slow road to “magic.”

Where’s The Magic People Talk About?

I’ve found that I do my best work when I don’t worry about money, finding new friends, getting familiar with a new environment, and anything else that is related to always moving around.

But don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I prefer to stay put. Stagnation is a death sentence to me.

I believe that there are different phases to life. Sometimes, you take it easy, work on your skills, your character — you invest in yourself.

And sometimes, you just go out there and take a chance. Life’s too short to be a wimp.

But those two things are interconnected. If you don’t work on yourself, and if you lack self-confidence, you will never take a risk.

For years I wanted to do what I’m doing now. But instead of jumping out of my comfort zone (which was scary), I slowly took on new and bigger challenges.

That comfort zone shit is just a story. It might motivate some people, but you don’t have to believe it if you don’t want to. It’s just like when people claim you have to wake up early if you want to be successful. Says who?

I believe this: If you step outside your comfort zone, there’s only more work waiting for you. It’s not fancy at all. There’s no magic involved. Just blood, sweat, and tears.

Work Your Way Up From A Place Of Comfort

I think that most people who read these type of articles want to achieve something. Maybe you want to quit your job, start a business, grow your business, become an artist, publish a book, whatever.

And you probably also know that it’s not easy. So why do you make things even harder for yourself by doing shit that makes you very uncomfortable?

Instead, start from the very bottom. Build a strong foundation. Get comfortable before you do scary stuff.

“How does that foundation look like?”

If you want to live stress-free, you need enough money in your savings account so you can live and eat for six months in case things go south—see it as a fail-safe system. Again, that’s my practical mind speaking for me.

Make some calculations and figure your what that number is for you. And don’t even think about taking a risk before you have that money on your savings account.

Also, build a skill set that’s worth something. One of the reasons I don’t care about money is because I trust my ability to find work. Even when I go broke tomorrow, I’ll find a way to get work the next day. I’ve invested years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in my education.

The question is: What’s your skill? How can you add value to the world? What problems can you solve?

Other things that complete your foundation:

1. Family. If you don’t have a family, create one.
2. Friends. You can’t be friends with everyone. Stick to a few people who also stick to you.
3. Yourself. Consciously improve your body and mind. Go to bed a little stronger and wiser every night.

Lastly, don’t try to be something you’re not. If you’re an introvert, don’t pretend that you can work in a boiler room. If you’re an extrovert, don’t pretend you can work in solitude.

Stay close to yourself—there’s no point in pushing yourself so badly that your life becomes miserable.

In the end, we all need comfort: It’s one of our basic needs as human beings. But we also need growth. So whatever you do, don’t stay in your comfort zone for too long.

Try to keep moving forward every day: Even if it’s just a tiny step. No magic. Just effort.

Trust Yourself .

Modern society has not advanced one bit ever since it started. Sure, technology has advanced. And the world is safer. But when you talk about society itself, nothing has changed.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best in his 1841 essay called Self-Reliance:

“Society is a wave. The wave moves onward, but the water of which it is composed does not.”

People have not changed. The problems you’re facing today are not new. And one of those problems is that we are needy. VERY needy.

Why is that a problem? Without self-reliance, you can never be consistently happy. And even though the purpose of life is not happiness in my opinion, being happy is still something that’s important to us.

Happiness determines the quality of your life. No one wants to live a shitty life.

Let’s look at how self-reliant you are.

• Do you expect your romantic partner to make you happy?
• Do you think your friends should always be there for you?
• Do you expect that your boss will always give you money?
• Do you say people are stupid when they don’t buy your products or services?
• Do you find it difficult to be alone?
• Do you feel like a nobody when people ignore you at work?
• Do you feel hurt when someone doesn’t invite you to a birthday or any other social event?

I can’t say I’ve been immune to those thoughts. In fact, in the past, my answer was yes to all the above questions.

I was the opposite of self-reliant. It’s not surprising that we’re this way. It all starts when we’re born. We rely on our parents to survive. And when we become adults we should become self-reliant individuals, but funnily enough, we become even more dependent on others.

In life, we always turn outwardly for everything: Happiness, advice, affection, love, approval.

We ask experts for advice. We use drugs when we’re in pain. We expect others to solve our problems.

When we look at ourselves, we never even consider that we might not need those things. Being part of society is great and all. But never take it too far. Otherwise, you become a dependent robot who can’t function by itself.

It’s much better to rely on yourself. Not in a selfish way. But in an emotional way. You don’t need others to be happy.

Trust Yourself

In the same essay about self-reliance, Emerson also says:

“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.”

It’s one of the paradoxes in life. We want to be liked and loved by the ones we care about.

But the moment we lose ourselves and our identity, we can no longer be the person we want to be. When you’re needy, you only damage your relationships in the long-term.

But at the same time, we believe that it’s bad to depend on yourself. But it’s not. Because when you’re self-reliant, you can enrich the lives of the people around you much more.

I’ve only learned this in recent years. And even though I must confess I don’t fully master emotional self-reliance, I have made significant steps that positively changed my life.

It’s a skill that I recommend everyone to learn. What you will find next are 6 lessons that can help you to become emotionally self-reliant.

I’ve drawn these lessons from Stoicism, Transcendentalism, and Pragmatism.

Here we go.

1. Have a voice

How often do you think or feel something and you’re afraid of speaking it? We feel that we always have to agree with everything and everyone.

That makes us afraid of confrontation. Instead of being timid, stand up right and say what you think without reservation.

Also, never shy away from confrontation. If you want to have a voice in the world, you can’t expect that will happen smoothly.

To practice this, for the next few weeks, don’t shy away from verbal confrontation with others. Not in an aggressive way. But when you don’t agree with something; say it.

When we have a conflict, we often say to ourselves, “I don’t care.” And we walk away. But is that really the case? Do you really not care? Often, it’s just a defense mechanism.

It’s always harder to speak your mind and to stand for something.

Also, you don’t have to agree with everything your idols or examples say. I look up to many people, but I don’t consider them as saints. No one is.

2. Learn how to master your emotions

We’re too quick with expressing our emotions.

• “I’m tired.”
• “This day sucks.”
• “People are untrustworthy.”
• “My belly aches.”
• “My boss is a narcissist.”

Who the fuck cares?

Nothing’s going to change when you let out all your emotions. In other words: Speaking out your emotions is not always useful.

Instead, learn how to become a master of your feelings and emotions. I’m not asking you to become a robot. No, just know the purpose of emotions.

Are you sad? Are you in love? Are you mourning? Don’t hold it back. That’s real.

Are you just annoyed? Being a little child? Check yourself. Don’t let worthless emotions consume you.

3. Celebrate adversity

Most people hide from difficulty and internal turmoil. You don’t need to travel to the other side of the world to find yourself. Remember this: Your problems will always travel with you.

Face your challenges and demons head on.

I even like to take it one step further. When something bad happens to my health, relationships, or finances, I’m thankful.

Every setback is an opportunity to test your self-reliance. That’s why you have to celebrate adversity. Without it, you will never become a complete and reliable person.

4. Separate yourself from everything

Nothing is forever. We forget that in daily life. We get attached to objects, people, and memories.

To truly appreciate something, you have to realize that you will lose it one day. If you believe that you will live forever or that you will be loved until the end of time—you get lazy. You will take things for granted.

But once you separate yourself from everything in life, you become a passenger who tries to make the most out of every single minute.

Always keep this in the back of your mind: I owe nothing, and nothing is owed to me.

When you do that, you’re not only self-reliant but also appreciative of life.

5. Get comfortable with yourself

Do you freak out when you’re alone for a moment? Most of us can’t stand the thought of spending a day or longer alone.

Instead of grabbing your phone and texting/calling a friend, go for a walk. Just walk around town.

Maybe take a book with you. Head over to a coffee shop. Order a drink. Read your book. Maybe talk to a stranger. Daydream a bit.

If you’re not into reading, try learning a language, go to meetups, join a running club. There are a million ways to spend your time. You don’t need others to have a good time.

Always have a list of things you can do with your time. If one thing falls through, don’t worry, do something else with your precious time (just don’t waste it).

Whatever you do, get comfortable in your own skin, it’s the only one you will ever have.

6. Live without regrets

Life is a series of unrelated events and decisions. We always try to make sense out of it. We say things like, “everything happens for a reason.”

But understand: Life just happens. You will never be able to explain everything with 100% certainty and proof.

It’s useless to think, “what if?” You are where you are in life because of a few random things, plus the decisions you made personally.

Just accept it. If you’re unhappy or if you want to change, just change your standards. You can’t change the past. So it only makes sense to live without regret. See things for what they are.

And that brings us back to Emerson again, he said:

“If we live truly, we shall see truly . . . When we have new perception, we shall gladly disburden the memory of its hoarded treasures as old rubbish.”

And that’s life. It’s easy as changing your existing thoughts when they are not useful to you.

You see? Happiness has been in your life all along. You just don’t see it all the time. But when you stop looking for it outside of yourself, you will find that you can truly rely on yourself — and that will help you to love others.

Not because you need it, but simply because you can.

Habits :-Important thing in your life

Where you are in your life is a result of your habits. Will Durant said it best:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

I think that’s also true for the opposite of excellence. It goes like this: Bad habits? Bad life. Good habits? Good life.

Simple, right?

I used to be a complainer. I said stuff like:

• I don’t like my city.
• It’s too cold in the winter.
• People are stupid.
• I always have bad luck.
• I can never catch a break.

I didn’t see it at the time, but the outcome of your life is a result of your habits.

That means this: You can change the outcome of your life by changing your habits.

But how do you do that? How do you form good habits?

I’m not talking about popular “life-hacking” habits like taking cold showers or weird diets. Those things are fads. It’s not for everybody and they don’t have long-lasting effects.

No, I’m talking about life-changing stuff that‘s sustainable. Things like exercising daily, not complaining, being a problem-solver, etc.

Decide what habits are worth it.

Look, I can talk to you about ‘good’ habits all day long, but that’s not helpful. The reason is that only YOU can decide what a good habit is.

Deciding if a habit is worth it to you is critical in forming new habits.

Too often we hear about something and we think: “I should do that!”

Really? Should I wake up an hour earlier? Should I take cold showers? Should I stop complaining? Should I eat like a cave person? Should I eat normal?

Maybe waking up early is actually helpful to you. I don’t know. When I wake up early, I behave like a grumpy old man who hates people.

Just ask yourself this:

“Will this behavior improve the quality of my life?”

The reason you want to ask yourself that question is that you need a reason to change. You need a why. That requires introspection.

If you do that right, you come to the conclusion that you can’t change external factors, but you CAN change yourself.

You can’t change the economy, weather, traffic, people, or anything that you complain about.

Viktor E. Frankl, author of Man’s Search For Meaning, said it well:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves.”

You can only improve what you control: Yourself.

Now that you’ve settled on what habit you want to form, and why you want to develop it, let’s start shaping.

The most important thing: Focus on one thing at a time.

I recently wrote about how I successfully formed a daily exercise habit. It was something I tried to do for years.

There were many reasons I failed, one of them is that I always tried to form a million habits at the same time.

I don’t know why, but sometimes I get on this whole self-improvement spree. I feel like reading more, writing more, working more, living better, eating healthier, you name it.

It’s best to hold back the enthusiasm if you’re the same. In general, when you do too many things at the same time, you end up with chaos.

You either end where you started, or you might even take two steps back. You try to form a habit, that doesn’t work out, you get frustrated, and say:

“Screw Tony Robbins and self-help in general! I’m going to lie in bed all day, eat Oreos and watch Netflix.”

Yup. Not helpful.

Prepare yourself. Change is hard.

Common sense, right? So why do you expect everything to go smoothly?

In our head things always play out easily. We think that we can wake up at 5 am, hit the gym, and eat a kale shake. No way!

If things are hard, that doesn’t mean you should stop. It’s the opposite, when it’s hard, take it as a sign to push on.

Set Reminders.

I forget everything. A few years ago, I started a daily reading habit. I messed up very often in the beginning.

I would read for five or six days straight, and then all of a sudden, I would completely forget about it.

It’s like the desire for reading more just vanished from my head.

Gone. Poof.

That shit happens. You want to do something. You do it. And then you forget about it.

That’s why I set reminders for important things in my calendar. I NEED them. Otherwise, I forget. I’ve never met people who don’t need reminders. Or maybe I did. They probably were androids and I failed the Turing test.

Anyway, here’s what my daily writing reminder looks like now (I change it often):

It says: “Stop fucking around. It’s time to write. You idiot.”

Sometimes I ignore the message. Sometimes I listen to it. Doesn’t matter. It’s always there. So I don’t forget.

Also, I like to set reminders at random times. If everything happens on the hour, I feel like a robot.

And remember to do things daily.

• Do you want to get fit? Exercise daily. Not 3 times a week.
• Do you want to eat healthy? Do it every day. Not 4 times a week.
• Do you want to change your attitude? Keep a positive mindset every day (you can also keep a positive mindset during tough/sad times).

Finally: Set the bar low.

I often meet people who want to change the world. And I appreciate that. But that’s a very high bar you set. You can only go wrong with that.

There’s something that requires change first: You. Leo Tolstoy (who lived in the 19th century), author of War and Peace, put it best:

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

That’s still very true today. And you hear a lot of people and companies saying it. But it’s much better to set the bar low. Focus on small things. Big things follow by themselves.

Anyway, enough said about change. Let’s change.

Believe in yourself .

I know what you’re thinking. “This guy probably read a motivational quote on social media and now he’s telling us that nothing is impossible. Yeah right.”

I think the world has no shortage of motivational articles, books, videos, or Facebook posts.

You don’t need a bigger dose of #mondaymotivation. You know why? That type of motivation is not practical. It doesn’t do anything. It’s not useful. It’s the same as drinking Red Bull. It fades quickly.

Belief, on the other hand, is a tool that’s extremely useful. And it’s underutilized by many.

The problem is that most of us lack belief. And when I talk about belief, I talk about it from a practical point of view.

I’m not talking about hope or faith. I don’t believe that you can “hope” for the best, sit back and wait until good things happen to you.

Hope is not a strategy for life. I prefer to look at facts and make conclusions like a pragmatist.

Like it or not, but everything that’s floating in that head of yours, is there because you believe it.

• “Life sucks.”
• “I’m not good at my job.”
• “I can never find my dream job.”
• “No one loves me.”
• “I will never become successful.”

See? It’s all there because you believe those things. William James, one of the primary figures associated with pragmatism, put it best:

“Belief will help create the fact.”

Belief is a practical instrument that you can use to shape reality.

Have you ever considered that you decide what you believe? Not your friends, colleagues, family, or even the media.

You observe things, and then decide what you believe. That’s why belief creates facts.

No, life is not an R. Kelly song. You can’t fly, no matter how hard you believe it.

A pragmatist always keeps it real.

• You will never become a respectable leader without putting in the work.
• Your life will never change unless you take action.

But that’s not the point. You know this. There’s no outcome without action.

It comes down to one thing: Do you believe that you can, or can’t live the life you want?

It’s as simple as that. But it’s something that you truly have to believe.

It’s one thing to say that you believe something. It’s a whole different thing to actually believe.

Let me highlight that by sharing a personal story. For most of my life, I lived in fear. It all started in school. People told me:

“If you don’t get good grades, you will not be accepted to a good university, and without a good degree, you will never get a job, and you will become a bum who dies alone.”

After hearing that, my seventeen-year-old brain went into a full-fledged panic mode. I started believing that stupid story.

Who wants to become a bum and die alone?

That’s a metaphor for not believing in yourself. Because somehow, that’s always the alternative.

If you do something that’s uncommon, or maybe a little risky, the common argument is that you become homeless.

I meet a lot of people who say they’ve made important life decisions based on fear.

• Do you hate your job, but are you afraid to look for something else because you might lose your house?
• Do you want to leave your spouse, but are you afraid you’ll die alone?
• Do you study yourself to death because you’re afraid of what your parents will say when you quit?
• Do you never expose your work to the world because you’re afraid people will throw rocks at you because you suck?

Will that really happen? Or is that just your mind acting up? Probably the latter.

I always wanted to become a writer. Back in school, I wrote poems for my girlfriend. It was kind of pathetic, but hey, she enjoyed my weird poems. But all jokes aside, I loved to read and enjoyed putting my thoughts on paper.

But no, every adult in my life was trying to scare me to death. “You can’t make a living as a writer.” They were probably right. It’s not easy to make a living by writing.

So what? Everything that’s worth it is hard. I didn’t realize that back then.

So I gave up my goal. I decided to pick the safe road and pursue a degree in commerce . I don’t regret that decision because I’ve learned many useful things.

But the whole experience turned me into a fearful creature. Because after that whole scarefest in school, I eventually stopped believing in myself.

I stopped writing and reading. And that’s a pure waste of time that I could’ve used for practicing my skills.

You can achieve anything (as long as you believe in it).

What’s something you once believed in, but stopped believing because of fear? I think we’ve all been there. If you’re not careful, you’ll always stay there.

For me, it wasn’t until two or three years ago that I figured out belief is an instrument that can help you to achieve your goals.

Somehow I started reading about pragmatism (which is a way of thinking).

And it completely changed my own way of thinking. I realized that not believing in yourself is useless. So I decided to believe that I could live the life I wanted.

Granted, I’m not fully paying the bills by writing yet. I have a job and . But I do make some money with my blog. And that’s pretty good to know for the seventeen-year-old version of me.

Believing in yourself is very simple. You can do it too. Just understand that belief is an instrument. That idea is not new or anything. It’s been around for hundreds of years. People just have different names for it.

I don’t care how you call it. But guess what happened since I’ve been using belief as an instrument? Most things I believed are facts now. And the other stuff I believe will one day become a fact.

How am I so certain?

Because my mind can conceive it. And if your mind can conceive it, you can achieve it.

That’s not a motivational quote. That’s a fact.

Do you believe it?

Imposter Syndrome :- Try to overcome it

Do you ever think, “who cares about anything that I have to say?”

Every time you have a similar thought like that, you’re developing imposter syndrome. There are many ways imposter syndrome expresses itself in your mind:

• “If I fail this, I will lose everything.”
• “What if people call me out?”
  “I feel like a fake. I’m not the right person to talk about this.”

After these type of thoughts, we often try to downplay the effects:

• “It’s not a big deal.”
• “No one cares anyway.”
• “It’s a matter of luck, anyway.”

Those secondary thoughts are just a defense mechanism. We try to convince ourselves that our work isn’t important and that no one cares. We experience imposter syndrome when we have to lead people, share our ideas, give advice, etc.

And it’s more common than you think. Over 70% of people have experienced the feeling of being a fake at one time in their life. Recently I got this email from a reader:

“I have many ideas for creating passive income around email courses, ebooks and interactive learning, but I am absolutely terrified of exposing myself and content online.

I am worried that I will sound egotistical and that my content will be ridiculed. I also get performance anxiety when using social media (so I quit them), and when I used group chat channels on slack I end up saying things without thinking them through or over thinking them because I am so nervous that people are thinking that I’m an idiot.

Have you ever experienced these issues and if so how have you overcome them?”

My answer is YES.

If you haven’t experienced the above, you’re an absolute maniac. In fact, I think there are a lot of narcissistic assholes on the internet who think they should create 5000 pieces of content per day.

A lot of people think they are the center of the universe. Let them. I can understand that some people believe that they are the most important person in the world. That’s just narcissism.

However, I can’t understand why normal people actually consume that content. It’s no different from being brainwashed by TV.

Look, every time I write an article, I think: This is nothing more than stroking my ego. Every person who creates something has a big ego.

No doubt about it. But that feeling is countered by one other thought: There might be one person out there who might find this useful. And that’s why I do it personally.

I honestly don’t give a fuck about attention. My blog could go in flames tomorrow and nothing would change about my life. I would still work, go to the gym, read, spend time with my girlfriend, and hang out with my friends.

But at the same time, I’m glad to see that people find my articles useful and that it helps them. You have to stay objective. If you’re good at something, acknowledge your strengths. That’s not ego.

That’s stating facts. Similarly, if you suck, you should also acknowledge that. No one is perfect. Nor will you ever become perfect.

So this is how I deal with imposter syndrome:

1. Acknowledge the feeling
2. Look at your motives (are you doing something for attention or to help others)
3. Recognize the impact your work has
4. Analyze your strengths and weaknesses
5. Be humble
6. Don’t be motivated by praise
7. Always stay a student, and communicate this to others

When I deal with imposter syndrome, I’m afraid that people think that I think know it all. In general, know-it-alls are not respected. Learners and people who admit they don’t know everything are.

That’s why my final tip is the most important (at least, for me): See yourself as a student. When you teach, share your ideas, give advice, or lead people: Do it with the humility of a student.

If you’re good at something, people can tell. You don’t have to always stress it. Authority is earned. Not forced.

When you take on that mindset, imposter syndrome has no chance to manifest itself in your head.

Why? Because students are not imposters. They are here to learn. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes. And if you do, people will forgive you. You’re a student anyway. We all are.

Inner Thinking :-Try to Conquer it

One of the main things I’ve learned about life is that before you conquer the external world, you have to master the inner world of your mind.

You might have all kinds of awesome goals.

• “I want to buy a Lambo.”
• “I want to feed starving people.”
• “I want to fly to the moon.”

No problem. The enemy lies not in the outside world. It’s not money, people, or opportunity that’s holding you back. It’s you.

Legendary surfer, Laird Hamilton said it best:

“Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears.”

Self-doubt creeps into your system at the weirdest moments. At times you don’t expect it at all.

And all of a sudden, you have a true inner war on your hands:

• “What am I doing this for?”
• “Is it really worth it?”
• “Why, why, why?”

There’s a war going on inside your head. And you’re not even aware of it.

Here are 10 war strategies that will help you to win your inner battles.

1. See Yourself As A Warrior

First things first: You have to start looking at yourself as a warrior.

You’re in constant battle with yourself.

You have to realize that you’re the person who’s in control of your life. It’s not the economy, your family, spouse, boss, or anything else that you can possibly blame.

That means one simple thing: This is your life. Own it.

Robert Greene said it best in 33 Strategies Of War:

“When something goes wrong, look deep into yourself — not in an emotional way, to blame yourself or indulge your feelings of guilt, but to make sure that you start your next campaign with a firmer step and greater vision.”

Never blame yourself. That’s not what a warrior does. Instead, fight your inner enemy by not giving up.

2. Know Yourself

What makes you angry, sad, fearful? How do you make decisions? What’s most important in your life?

If you want to win your inner battles, it’s obvious that you have to know your enemy.

3. Have Zero Expectations

One of the biggest causes of inner conflict is that we have too high expectations.

We expect a lot from our spouse, family members, friends, colleagues, boss, etc.

But that’s not the way the world works. You don’t control people. You only control yourself.

Never have high expectations. You will only be disappointed.

Instead, expect nothing.

Stop expecting that:

• Your friends will always be there for you.
• You will always stay healthy.
• Your family will always be with you.
• You will always make money.

Now, you’re free. Everything you get is a gift.

4. You’re Not Perfect: Accept It

Never beat yourself up for making mistakes.

This is life. It’s unpredictable. It makes no sense. Shit happens.

When you try to be perfect, you’re always at war with yourself. You’re never at peace. Nothing is good enough.

You will never get to enjoy life for what it is. Even though it makes no sense; there’s still enough beauty in life.

You just have to take off your tunnel vision goggles and see it.

5.Never Burn Yourself Out

Sun Tzu, the most famous war strategist in history, once said:

“In the practical art of war, the best thing of all is to take the enemy’s country whole and intact; to shatter and destroy it is not so good.”

Always keep in mind that you’re worth more when you’re at full strength.

You might want to achieve something so bad that you put all your energy into it. You work hard. Don’t sleep.

But here’s the thing: You might win a hard fought battle, but not the war.

Life is long. Don’t burn out before you reach the end. That’s pure self-sabotage. Instead, save yourself.

6. Never Question Life

I get it. You work hard, hard, hard. But nothing happens. No results.

You ask: “What Am I Doing This For?”

• No one reads your work.
• You’re never promoted at work.
• No one buys your product.
• No one hires you.
• No one cares.

Once you have one negative thought like that, the floodgates will open.

It’s the same as binge eating: “Ah fuck it, I’ve had one spoon of ice cream, I might as well eat the whole jar.”

Don’t get all existential on yourself. There’s no point in doing that. It’s not helping you.

Never question life. Never think about it. It’s a discussion you will never win.

It’s best to avoid this war. Not all wars can be won.

7. Believe In Yourself

How do you believe in yourself?

“Affirmations,” says the ignorant self-help guru aka life coach.

“I’m the best. I’m the best. I’m the best.”

That stuff makes me laugh. It’s not the 80s anymore. You can’t tell that to people.

You also can’t say things like that to yourself if you don’t truly believe it. Deep down we always know that we’re full of shit.

• Lying to yourself will not help.
• Lying to others will also not help.

Work, practice, see results, and believe in your abilities.

Not putting in the work? You develop no skills. Hence, no belief.

So go and work. That’s where it all starts.

8. Pick The Slow Road To Success

“Get rich quick.”

We love fake promises because they distract us from reality.

You know better. There’s no such thing as overnight success.

Even if someone promises you the quick road, opt out, and pick the longer, and harder road to your destination.

I promise you this: You will feel 10X more fulfilled when you get there.

The lazy person is always looking for the next best thing.

You don’t care about the destination; you love the journey. No matter how hard it is.

9. Stop Making Assumptions

Never make conclusions based on assumptions.

Always look at facts. Don’t have the facts? Don’t make assumptions.

Also, ignore conventional wisdom. Most stuff you hear and read around you is not true or very subjective.

Avoid inner conflict by looking at facts. Always.

10. Keep Moving

The Greek philosopher Aristotle believed that movement was the main thing to life.

No matter what you do, never stand still. Staying still is the same as moving backward. Because life doesn’t wait.

Mental toughness is created by always plowing forward. By facing your adversity head on.

“What does not move is dead.”
– Robert Greene

You don’t become mentally strong by ignoring your inner troubles and looking at your Instagram feed.

No, your battles are not fought on your smartphone. You fight by looking in the mirror.

Win or Die

The battles you fight with yourself are very real. And if you arm yourself with the right strategies, you will win.

Why should you always fight? Napoleon Bonaparte said it best:

“Death is nothing, but to live defeated is to die every day.”

You will never be defeated as long as you keep fighting.